Once in our lives we will be in a situation where we cry ourselves to sleep, where the moment you wake up, you’d rather go back to sleep than have another day feeling the pain, remembering all the memories and asking yourself what went wrong with the relationship that was once so near to perfection and was once the kind you thought will withstand all the rough roads.
It is really hard for the person who was left behind because it means you still love him and if it was you, you will never choose to give up, but he left you with no choice but to feel the pain and wonder how will be your life now.
I can feel you, my dear, because I’m going through that. I actually can’t say that I’m all okay now but at least I’m surviving. 🙂
Having said all that, I want to share with you the ways I’m doing that help me to survive. This is not guaranteed because moving on must start with your conviction and willingness to take yourself out from the hole you’ve been trapped in, but these ways might be of help. So, lets do this together. 🙂
1. Feel the pain and ignore what other people will say. Because truth is, you’re the only person who knows how much it really hurts. Feel it. Feel the pain of all the promises you held for so long that only got broken. Feel it until you’ve run out of tears. Feel it until the time you think you’ve glued all the broken pieces back together, though the marks remain undeniable. Feel it until it no longer hurts. Ask yourself all the whys, hows and whats because someday it will be answered. Just feel it because it will make you feel better in the long run.
2. Delete all the pictures you have with him (or if you can’t do it for now, at least place it somewhere you won’t see it). This can be painful because you’ll see everything. All the memories will come back to you like a flood. All the laughs, the kilig, the happiness it once brought to your life. And I know you already knew it that happy memories are the ones that gonna crush your heart to pieces and this one will prove that right. If you’ll find yourself crying a river while doing this, just do it anyway. Continue. Cry. Delete.
3. Bond with your friends. Use this time to make up on all your missed laughs, occasions, moments with them back when your still crazy, madly in love with your ex and all you want to do was to spend time with him and your friends became out of the picture. Remember, they’re the ones whom you can turn to anytime, anywhere. So building memories with them is a treasure.
4. Assess the relationship you had. Try to figure out at least those things that you can admit to yourself that you did wrong. Those things you think that if you’ve done right, the relationship would’ve been different. I’m telling you this for you not to blame yourself but to learn from it. So that the next time love comes knocking your door, you will be a better person and a better partner.
5. Make yourself busy. Go try new things or go back to the things you’ve left because you became preoccupied with all the kiligs you had with your past relationship. You love writing/sharing your thoughts? Go start a blog (just like what I did. Yay!). You love colors? Go start to paint. You love lettering? Go and try the new trend, Calligraphy. There is so much more in life where you can put your time and mind than wasting it grieving and regretting and thinking of the person who chose to leave you.
6. Look on the bright side of things. Being single is not bad after all. Try eating alone in a restaurant. Try sitting in a café drinking your favorite caramel macchiato while reading a book. Try watching a movie all by yourself. Try everything you want to do without having to ask for permission from someone. You’ll love the freedom. With this, you’ll also know yourself. You’ll learn what you’re capable of doing without relying with someone else. And, you must learn to be alone before you can really appreciate being in a committed relationship.
7. Take good care of yourself. This is not just about going to salon, having a massage or going for a retail therapy. This is more about looking to yourself as a piece of stone going to a process of crushing, molding, burning to become one precious diamond. Improve yourself by addressing your weaknesses. If your not good in communicating, go and don’t be afraid to join a club or community where they help you improve your communication skills. Boost up your strengths by doing what you love and where you think you can excel. Really take good care of yourself so someday, you can take care of the other person well.
8. Read uplifting books. Self-help books are really helpful if you will just put every words into your heart and mind. It will make yourself more positive and inspite of the pain you are feeling right now, you will be happy at the end of the day. Your optimism and cheerfulness will be a huge help in overcoming this struggle in your life. Try to read “Happier Self 365 Means to a Better Life” by C.C. Salonga. It has all these wonderful ways of loving yourself and choosing happiness. Also, you can try to read “Paano ba ‘to?! How to Survive Growing Up” by Bianca Gonzalez and you’ll love everything in this book. You can count on the things in these books because those are charged to experience, authors’ been there done that. 🙂
9. Just like what others say, it’s all in the mind. Yes, I know it’s easier said than done but if you’ll only focus your mind on things that will help you move on, you can really do it. Whenever a memory flashes back to me, I always, as in always cry. But I also immediately change the focus of my mind to other things, like work or my small sideline business. Practice yourself to do this and eventually, it will be automatic for your mind. Teach yourself as well that everything about your last relationship is now only a part of your past and you don’t want your precious self to be staying there miserable. The world revolves and go tag yourself along to how it moves.
10. Become more closer to God. This is the most important thing that I’ve been doing and will definitely do my entire life. I promise this to you, aside from yourself, He is the only one who can help you uplift your spirit and heart. Read all these verses and scriptures that will remind you that He is by your side All. The. Time. Believe that whatever is happening in your life, it is His will. He is in control. Have faith in Him and all His promises. Anything He wants you to go through, He will definitely deliver you through it. You will come out of this as one better individual that He wants and designs you to be. Once you incorporate this in your life, nos. 1 – 9 will become easy for you to do. Sometimes I find myself teary-eyed whenever I passed through some words from Him because I feel like He’s saying those straight to me, and the love you’ll feel is so overwhelming. Those broken pieces of your heart will come back together as if it never got broken. And once it happened and you’re ready, He will give you the person He pre-destined for you to be with for the rest of your life. This person will love you wholeheartedly, will give you unlimited chances of loving him right, who will not see your mistakes but the ways you are changing for yourself and for him and whose love for you will definitely stand the test of time and even distance.
I’m gonna share with you two of my favorite uplifting words/promises of God that you can hold on to while going through this tough time of your heart…
“‘I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born.’ says the Lord.” – Isaiah 66:9
“‘For I know the plans I have for you.’ declares the Lord. ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” – Jeremiah 29:11
Take this experience as a way of growth and maturity. Take this as one step closer to the person He destined for you. Grow with it. Learn from your mistakes. Love yourself even more. Know that you are not perfect, but you are enough. Turn your mistakes into a medium going to a better you.
I also want to remind you not to be hateful. Being angry will only boils down to you. It will not make you happy nor it will make you move on. It will just prolong the process of your healing heart. Like what people said: Maybe they’re not bad person, it’s just that that’s how long they’re really meant to stay in your life.
I know it hurts so much but that pain, that struggle, will make your heart even more stronger. You can move on. You will forget about him. You will be better. Kaya mo yan! Kaya natin yan! Cheers to a better us! Ciao! 🙂